Winging It Like the VP Candidates Do

About author / Josh Gunn

Bachelor chef; southern cooking; mixologist; university professor. Josh's recipes will delight (and sometimes terrify) you.

Tomorrow night two vice presidential candidates will take to the podium and debate some of our most pressing social, economic, and political issues. Owing to the importance of this year's election, I think it's time we turn the debates into "game nights." Why not? They're fun to watch, the come-backs are like double or triple-plays, and you can scream at the candidate you don't like.

I mean, let's think about this: why is it that Monday Night Football gets all this hoopla, like country-western singers screaming to ask us if we're ready, when a presidential contest does not get the same treatment? I mean, we're talkin' bout the leader of the free world here! Ain't he or she deserving of some hot wings and Hank Williams Jr.?

It's time we bachelors start thinking creatively, and tomorrow night's debate would be a good night to do it. So what do we need? First, invite your friends over to watch the debates. Tell 'em it's their civic duty. Second, we need finger foods, beer, and drinking games.

Lets start with the most important food group first: beer. Gotta have good beer for the drinking games. I suggest a Pale Ale. Now, let's face it: President George W. Bush's rhetoric was rife with a vocabulary that lent itself very well to drinking. For example, a staple of any Bush speech drinking game was the word "nuclear," which he pronounced, of course, "nukular." Since there were so many Bushisms, drinking games that required you to drink every time Bush mentioned "God" or "hydrogen" kept the politically minded bachelor practically drunk for eight years.

So what sort of drinking game might we develop for a debate between Palin and Biden? Bell from Washington has already beat me to the punch and helped to develop a VP Debate drinking game " http://alaskaisclosetorussia.wordpress.com/2008/09/27/official-vice-presidential-debate-drinking-game-2008/"> at her blog. I urge readers there for some of the general rules, but a couple of them here will prove helpful: (1) whenever Biden mentions his hometown of Scranton, take a swig of beer; (2) every time Palin says "you can't blink," no one in the room can blink, and the first person who does takes a drink. There's plenty of time to develop your own rules, too. So get crackin'!

Now, what about the food? Buffalo wings! Buffalo wings are so darn tasty, and you can eat them with your fingers! I have always preferred these stubby bits from the otherwise portly chicken at sporting events, including playing darts at the local pub. My favorite wings are, shamefully, from a chain of restaurants which is famous for its big-eyed logo, an homage to the mascot of Orange County California, of course.

Although they're known for wings, the eatery is ironically named after a slang word for breasts, like "Knockers." I'll never forget my first visit to Knockers, with the waitresses all flirty and touching your shoulder. Two older women came in and brought a brood of children, about five kids total. They must have been three and four years old. Each of them got a balloon that said, "I Love Knockers." I remember leaning over to my friend Shaun and saying, "yeah, no kidding---the tot was just weaned last year!"

Anyhoo, this Knockers place is not my cup of tea, really. But their wings are pretty good. And I think you should serve them at your Vice Presidential Debate party as you play your drinking game. And enjoy democracy.

Serves/Makes: 4

• 1 cup butter
• 1 cup Louisiana hot sauce (Frank's Red Hot also works)
• 1/2 tablespoon ground black pepper
• 1/2 tablespoon garlic powder
• 2 cups flour
• 1 teaspoon paprika
• 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• salt, to taste
• vegetable oil (for frying)
• 40 fresh, thawed chicken wings and/or drums
• blue cheese or ranch salad dressing
• celery sticks