Dating Tips for Those Going to a Nice Guy's House for Dinner

About author / Josh Gunn

Bachelor chef; southern cooking; mixologist; university professor. Josh's recipes will delight (and sometimes terrify) you.

Most of the dating advice out there tends to be for men, and often concerns what they should do and say to their prospective lovers. Much of this advice is sexist and does not take into account that there are sometimes nice guys out there who would like to know more about their dates than what they look like in the bathtub. I consider myself one of those guys.

But instead of offering dating advice for the nice guy, I would like to offer some dating advice for those who accept a date from a nice guy, especially if you ask for a second and third date.

First, trust your intuition and make sure he is not a pretend nice guy before you accept a date at his house. But if you can tell he's a nice guy and he has a good report from others, don't be afraid to go. We nice guys tend to decorate our dwellings in ways that reflect who we think we are, so you can probably learn a lot about a bachelor by checkin' out his stuff. If his place is clean and he cooks well, these are good things. You should be impressed and should say so, or at least appear to be impressed.

Second, if your date is at 6:00 p.m., don't arrive at 6:45 p.m. It's possible the meal was prepared with some timing involved; you might cause him to over-cook something. And if you must be late, it's a courtesy to call ahead and apologize. And if you say you're running fifteen minutes late, don't arrive 45 minutes late. He will say it's not a problem, but he's secretly thinking something else.

Third, if he has a coin operated mechanical fortune teller in his living room, you know, like the one in the Tom Hanks film Big, it is true that this is unusual, perhaps even a bit creepy. That is a sane reaction. When you ask how he ended up with it, and he responds in a humorous tone, "never drink and Ebay," you are supposed to laugh. Do not say, "this is the weirdest thing I've ever seen." Also, don't follow such a phrase with, "you have a lot of weirdo books, too." Instead, use the word "interesting." The word "interesting" can mean a lot of things, most of which are positive. Interesting can mean "weird" for you, but it might mean "fascinating" to him. Thus, you can save face and still not be deceitful.

Fourth, if your bachelor put a rose on your place setting, say something about it. When you are about to leave and he says, "oh, don't forget your rose," the proper response is, "oh, thank you," perhaps with a smile. The improper response is, "oh, you mean you're not going to recycle that for the next woman?"

Fifth, as you are eating, be sure to compliment the meal. Chances are, if you suddenly switched the location of the date from your house to his house at the last minute, he probably cancelled his Friday night plan to see one of his favorite bands, like the Walkmen, so he could go to the grocery store and plan the meal. If it's a gourmet meal, he probably spent some hours preparing it.

Even if the food is terrible, it's polite to at least compliment him on the effort. Let's say the food tastes like a heated shoe heel. Fine. But did you notice how pretty the place setting is? The candles? The rose? You might say, "Oh, Stan, this is so lovely. Everything is so beautiful." You could say, "goodness, you must have been preparing this all day! Thank you!" In short, acknowledge his labor.

In general, guys do things to show their affection, and they are less likely to say things (research bears this out, folks). If he likes you, he cooks for you; he may not say "I love you, will you move in?" for some months, perhaps years. So complimenting him is one of the ways you acknowledge this "doing" form of communicating his feelings.

Sixth, no matter how much you want to check your e-mail on your Blueberry or iHorn gadget, you really shouldn't do that in the middle of a date. It communicates to him that you are bored, or are not really that interested in his conversation.

Seventh, know your alcohol tolerance. On job interview junkets, you should only have ONE glass of wine, ONE beer, or ONE drink at dinner with potential colleagues, and then only if others are drinking.

Understandably, dating is a different situation. You're both nervous, and alcohol can "take the edge off." But too much alcohol can de-inhibit you in extreme ways; you might find yourself. You might even get sick. So if you're already a bit tipsy, just don't take another drink, even if he does. Remember: women process alcohol differently than men, and many get tipsy on less alcohol than a man would.

Finally, if the date didn't go well for you, it's polite to say so, especially if he asks if you would like to date again. Don't respond, "Yes Please!" if you really don't like him, if you had a dreadful time, or if you're already dating someone else who you are much more attracted to.

Now, I know, I know, you may be new to an area and could use some help learning about the town, but really, using him when you have no intention of becoming his lover or friend is not nice. It's especially not nice to pretend you would like another date, because he might take you at your word and then learn somewhat shockingly a week later that he was just being used. Yes, I know Robert Smith of the immortal pop band The Cure would say that "boys don't cry," but as nice guys will confess, some boys really do.