Spaghetti: Masculine Refuge

About author / Sarah Christine Bolton

Coffee addict; professional food writer; food fusion. Her slow cooker recipes go above and beyond your normal crockpot fare.

Guys love spaghetti. It’s a proven fact. At least, I think it’s a proven fact. The guys in my life have certainly seemed to support that statement.

It started with my brother. Whenever it was time for him to make dinner, he would always (and when I say always, I mean it) make spaghetti. We used to beg my mom to make him cook something else. But alas, she was just happy someone else besides her was in the kitchen. So spaghetti it was.

Then, my husband discovered spaghetti soon after he moved into his first house. I would come over, and find him, shirtless and barefoot, looming over the stove (he’s 6’ 4”). He was very calculating about his spaghetti. He started with meat, jalapenos, and Worcestershire sauce. Then, he used ¾ of a can of Hunt’s Meat Spaghetti sauce. It had to be meat sauce. If Wal-Mart was ever out of meat sauce, he would throw a small fit in the aisles. He made so much spaghetti he had to put it on a small platter. I told you he was 6’ 4”!

I think the reason guys love spaghetti so much is because of the simplicity. I’m not saying that guys are simple. They just like things uncomplicated. (Which is probably why men don’t get women sometimes.) Spaghetti is uncomplicated. One pan of meat and sauce. One pan of noodles. Voila. Perfect meal.

One night, I came home late, and found my husband waiting for me. “You should have been here to stop me,” he said. My eyes widened.

“I made a 'As-Seen-On-TV' purchase,” he said. Turns out, he had bought this thing called the Pasta Maker. It was a cylinder-shaped plastic container, with a snap-on lid. You put the pasta into it, pour boiling water over the pasta, snap on the lid, and wait ten minutes. The lid even has a special drainer to pour the water out and keep the noodles in. You end up with perfectly cooked pasta.

And you have to call it pasta. My Italian friend from New Jersey will bite your head off if you call it noodles. Since she is Italian, I take her word on that. (I also don’t want to make her mad in case she has possible ties to the Mafia.)

Sometimes, I can convince my husband to share some of his spaghetti with me. He will grudgingly not put jalapenos in the sauce, and add a few more spaghetti noodles to the pasta express. He does it because he loves me, and he also realizes that if he says no, I will just get complicated. And guys don’t do complicated.

Which may explain why, until now, my husband hasn’t touched my crockpot. I think he’s somewhat afraid of it. But I’m wondering if he will give it a shot, now that I’ve discovered an even simpler way to make spaghetti.

Serves/Makes: 8

• 1 pound lean ground beef or turkey
• 4 cans (14.5 ounce size) diced tomatoes, undrained
• 6 cans (6 ounce size) tomato paste
• 1 cup beef broth
• 1/4 cup packed brown sugar
• 1 tablespoon dried marjoram
• 2 tablespoons garlic powder
• 2 teaspoons dried basil
• 2 teaspoons dried oregano
• 2 tablespoons minced fresh parsley
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 bay leaf
• cooked pasta