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Technically the situation in the above title involved three chefs, a food writer, and a box of crackers. But like any good narrator I am merely part of this story as an observer… with maybe the smallest of contributions to the outcome.
Back in New York for a wedding, this narrator was under obligation to make the foodie rounds. Because in New York, if you really play it the way it is meant to be experienced, everyday can devolve into a series of brunches and dinners, themselves punctuated by the occasional coffee and cocktail. This particular three-day whirlwind tour had two brunches, a lunch, an all-afternoon barbecue, two dinners, a wedding, and an afternoon ricotta break at my favorite cheese-themed brasserie.
It was at this mecca of all-things-cheese that my favorite dreadlocked executive chef, along with his two sous chefs, were embarking on the challenge of all challenges: how to take three boxes of nearly inedible crackers and make them into hors d’oeuvres worthy of a top New York City restaurant. You might be wondering why they would continue to use crackers that three chefs and a food writer could barely manage to choke down during a taste test. Well, we all have to pay the bills somehow. And when a cracker company wants to spend a lot of money to have a restaurant make hors d’oeuvres on their crackers for a private party, sometimes you just have to play the game.
So it was that the rules were laid out. The big boss had already found the challenge so daunting that it had been passed on to these three chefs. They were left wondering if they didn’t have more important things to do, like making foie gras terrine with kumquat marmalade. Each had a paper with the title of the cracker (Walla Walla Onion, Cracked Black Pepper, and Sun-Dried Tomato) and in 10 minutes time each had to come up with three possible toppings for each cracker.
Like third graders taking a spelling test, 30 seconds into this trial the eyes of the three began to wander. The dreadlocked leader put the end to that with a barked order to keep each man’s eyes on his own paper. With that he put his pencil down and ran off on important chef business, promising to come back when the time was up. As the narrator was under no official obligation not to cheat, a glance at his paper revealed a Walla Walla onion cracker topped with fillet and horseradish, a sun-dried tomato cracker with tomato fondue and basil, and a black pepper cracker with Camembert, caramelized pearl onion, and sherry vinegar gastrique.
Our dashing Southern and French sous chefs quickly digressed into group discussion. The mention of a minted mashed English pea topping for the Black Pepper cracker, led to talk of fava beans mashed, led to fava bean succotash, which sent our Southern chef reeling on the glories of succotash.
At this point our dreadlocked leader had rejoined the group and had admonished us for cheating. But he perked up at talk of corn soufflé or pudding that would just kind pop out on top of one of those glorified pieces of cardboard. The tomato flavor on the sun-dried tomato cracker was so far from the taste of the fruit that all were in agreement a concentrated tomato flavor in the form of a fondue--or a roasted tomato or something--was needed to bring that cracker to life. As for the onion cracker, although the relationship between that cracker and a real Walla Walla was distant at best, at least the pairing with a strong cheese or beef would be enough to bring any cardboard-like cracker closer to a semblance of actual food.
In times of crisis, even in the culinary hub of New York City, sometimes the mighty are forced to tangle with the mundane. We may never answer the age-old question of how many blondes it takes to screw in a light bulb, but with three chefs and a box of crackers, there is clearly more than enough talent to turn cardboard into haute cuisine.
©2026 CDKitchen, Inc. No reproduction or distribution of any portion of this article is allowed without express permission from CDKitchen, Inc.
To share this article with others, you may link to this page:
https://www.cdkitchen.com/cooking-experts/amy-powell/524-cracker-appetizers/
Three Chefs and a Box of Crackers
Technically the situation in the above title involved three chefs, a food writer, and a box of crackers. But like any good narrator I am merely part of this story as an observer… with maybe the smallest of contributions to the outcome.
Back in New York for a wedding, this narrator was under obligation to make the foodie rounds. Because in New York, if you really play it the way it is meant to be experienced, everyday can devolve into a series of brunches and dinners, themselves punctuated by the occasional coffee and cocktail. This particular three-day whirlwind tour had two brunches, a lunch, an all-afternoon barbecue, two dinners, a wedding, and an afternoon ricotta break at my favorite cheese-themed brasserie.
It was at this mecca of all-things-cheese that my favorite dreadlocked executive chef, along with his two sous chefs, were embarking on the challenge of all challenges: how to take three boxes of nearly inedible crackers and make them into hors d’oeuvres worthy of a top New York City restaurant. You might be wondering why they would continue to use crackers that three chefs and a food writer could barely manage to choke down during a taste test. Well, we all have to pay the bills somehow. And when a cracker company wants to spend a lot of money to have a restaurant make hors d’oeuvres on their crackers for a private party, sometimes you just have to play the game.
So it was that the rules were laid out. The big boss had already found the challenge so daunting that it had been passed on to these three chefs. They were left wondering if they didn’t have more important things to do, like making foie gras terrine with kumquat marmalade. Each had a paper with the title of the cracker (Walla Walla Onion, Cracked Black Pepper, and Sun-Dried Tomato) and in 10 minutes time each had to come up with three possible toppings for each cracker.
Like third graders taking a spelling test, 30 seconds into this trial the eyes of the three began to wander. The dreadlocked leader put the end to that with a barked order to keep each man’s eyes on his own paper. With that he put his pencil down and ran off on important chef business, promising to come back when the time was up. As the narrator was under no official obligation not to cheat, a glance at his paper revealed a Walla Walla onion cracker topped with fillet and horseradish, a sun-dried tomato cracker with tomato fondue and basil, and a black pepper cracker with Camembert, caramelized pearl onion, and sherry vinegar gastrique.
Our dashing Southern and French sous chefs quickly digressed into group discussion. The mention of a minted mashed English pea topping for the Black Pepper cracker, led to talk of fava beans mashed, led to fava bean succotash, which sent our Southern chef reeling on the glories of succotash.
At this point our dreadlocked leader had rejoined the group and had admonished us for cheating. But he perked up at talk of corn soufflé or pudding that would just kind pop out on top of one of those glorified pieces of cardboard. The tomato flavor on the sun-dried tomato cracker was so far from the taste of the fruit that all were in agreement a concentrated tomato flavor in the form of a fondue--or a roasted tomato or something--was needed to bring that cracker to life. As for the onion cracker, although the relationship between that cracker and a real Walla Walla was distant at best, at least the pairing with a strong cheese or beef would be enough to bring any cardboard-like cracker closer to a semblance of actual food.
In times of crisis, even in the culinary hub of New York City, sometimes the mighty are forced to tangle with the mundane. We may never answer the age-old question of how many blondes it takes to screw in a light bulb, but with three chefs and a box of crackers, there is clearly more than enough talent to turn cardboard into haute cuisine.
Camembert with Sherry Gastrique
Made with crackers, crostini, or toast points, almonds, sherry vinegar, sugar, salt, Camembert
Made with crackers, crostini, or toast points, almonds, sherry vinegar, sugar, salt, Camembert
Serves/Makes: 16
- 1 cup sherry vinegar
- 1 cup white sugar
- 1 pinch salt
- 8 ounces Camembert, at room temperature
- 16 Spanish (Marcona) almonds
- 16 crackers, crostini, or toast points
In a small saucepan bring sherry vinegar, white sugar, and pinch of salt to a boil. Reduce to a simmer and simmer over medium for 15-20 minutes until reduced and syrupy. Immediately transfer to bowl over ice to stop cooking.
For each cracker, top with 1/2 oz. Of Camembert, drizzle with gastrique and top with an almond.
Minted Peas with Parmesan Cracker
Made with crackers, toast points or crostini, Parmesan cheese, peas, cream, black pepper, salt, fresh mint
Made with crackers, toast points or crostini, Parmesan cheese, peas, cream, black pepper, salt, fresh mint
Serves/Makes: 24
- 2 cups shelled fresh peas, or canned peas, drained
- 1/4 cup cream
- black pepper
- salt
- 2 tablespoons finely minced fresh mint
- Parmesan cheese
- 24 crackers, toast points or crostini
If using fresh peas, bring a pot of salted water to a boil. Add peas to water and cook for 1-2 minutes until just cooked through.
In a food processor or in a bowl with an immersion blender, add peas, cream, a couple cracks of pepper and a couple pinches of salt. Puree until not entirely smooth, leaving some chunks. Stir mint into pea puree.
Top each cracker with about 1 1/2 Tb. of pea mixture. Using a vegetable peeler, shave strips of Parmesan cheese, topping each cracker with a strip of Parmesan.
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©2026 CDKitchen, Inc. No reproduction or distribution of any portion of this article is allowed without express permission from CDKitchen, Inc.
To share this article with others, you may link to this page:
https://www.cdkitchen.com/cooking-experts/amy-powell/524-cracker-appetizers/