Death By Lemon Pie

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F.

First off you want to zest one lemon, then slice up it along with the other(s). A microplane works best for zesting. If you don't have one, a veggie peeler will suffice to skin a lemon, but after making the peels, mince them up very well with a sharp knife.

To cut the lemons: If you have any open cuts, now is the time to cover them. If you know what supreming a lemon means, peel it for that, then cut in cartwheels, removing seeds as you go.

If you don't know what supreming is, do this: Get a really sharp knife. Slice off the top and bottom of the lemon. You want to have the interior flesh showing, not the pith (the white stuff is the pith.)

Stand the lemon up on one cut end on your cutting board. CAREFULLY take all the pith off with your knife, by cutting downwards. Basically you want to try to follow the curvature between the white stuff and the actual flesh of the lemon. No need to be obsessive about it, though; you can trim it up as you go.

Once you've got all the pith off, turn the lemon on its side and slice it up, as narrow as you can, but again, don't worry too much about it. I aim for about 1/8 inch, or 2-3 millimeters, but 4-5 mm isn't going to make or break this operation. You may run into annoying seeds as you go. Pick these out and discard them.

Combine the sugar, flour and salt in a large mixing bowl. Then add butter, eggs, water, lemon zest, and cayenne.

Lay down the bottom crust into your pie pan. Lay the lemon slices onto the crust, spreading them out evenly as you can. Pour in any juices left over from the slicing, too. The lemons are going to look lonely and puny, but fear not.

Gently pour in your filling, then cover it all with the top crust. Try to tuck the edges of the top crust underneath the upward edges of the bottom edge to seal it all together, and crimp it.

Brush the beaten egg white well over the top crust. It will enhance browning of the crust. If you don't have a pastry brush, a bit of folded paper towel or your fingers will do, just make sure to wash up well.

Lastly, sprinkle the pie lightly with more sugar. The egg white should catch it and hold it in place.

Bake 45 minutes -- and stave off the temptation at the end, because it will smell heavenly! Give it a few minutes to set, then snarf at will.

French vanilla ice cream on the side is optional but recommended. Yum.